Make a Colour Impact!

Remember when I wrote about The Colour Story, a deeply complicated system for arranging clothing so that it is both pleasing to the eye and reminiscent of a favourite childhood tale? Well, forget about that! That is sooo last week! Now it's all about Colour Impact. While with The Colour Story, you alternate between two complementary colours, with Colour Impact you use many colours to create a colour explosion. It's less about using the colours to tell a story and more about surprising the eye with a unexpected colour twist. At least that's how it was explained to me by my boss recently.

Looking at the sample wall she had just arranged using these new principles, I thought I understood.

"So it's just completely random."
"No."

I waited for further details. When it became clear none were forthcoming, I searched her face for signs she would eventually tire of trying to teach me new things. And for a second I saw a glimmer of someone who wasn't all "I love my job" and "What we do here is important". I believe I saw a glimpse of an actual rational human being. I saw someone who, like me, feels deep rage knowing that someone at corporate headquarters is actually drawing a salary to come up with this colour garbage.

Now, I can't have her turning into a sympathetic, relatable person. That would ruin my day. Doesn't she know she's a recurring character in my blog and now that Shorty's gone she's the sole antagonist?

Not to worry. She didn't disappoint me. Before she went home for the day she left me with final instructions to "keep the colours flowing". WTF? If we hadn't just spent half the day on this colour bullshit, I'd probably have assumed she was inviting me to meet her out behind the store for a hit of acid. (I suspect my drug slang is out of date, but I'm not sure what the kids are calling it these days.)

In other colour news, guess who won't be making a Colour Impact? Employees at your local Walmart come February 2010, that's who. For over a year now, there have been rumblings that there will be a new dress code requiring that everyone wear black pants and a white shirt. You know, so Walmart can maintain its classy image.

Many of my colleagues don't seem to be nearly as outraged as I am, so I have been taking every opportunity to plant seeds of discontent citing impracticality and cost as suitable reasons for an uprising.

I'd really like to stand my ground on this dress code issue. If I only had to contend with my boss, I'm sure I could hold out; I delight in defying her. But the matter would eventually rise to the attention of our new store manager who is impossibly adorable. If he smiled and said please, I'd probably agree to wear a grass skirt and a bra made from a coconut shell.