You're a Shining Star

It's awards season at Walmart. Nominations are now being collected for the coveted Shining Star Award which rewards excellence in customer service and not getting fired. Rumours have been circulating that this year's winner will have their photo taken and then the photo will be taped to a star cut out of yellow construction paper. If the budget allows, the star will have glitter on it. God, I want it so bad I can taste it! The walls of the staff lounge are plastered with dozens of glowing recommendations and believe it or not, there's not a single one for me! Obviously my boss has been going through the nominations and throwing out all of mine. She simply refuses to let me shine. Until my nominations start rolling in, I have been reading obsessively what makes my chosen co-workers sooooo special. A common phrase in many of the nominator's testimonials is "goes above and beyond". No one can tell me I don't go above and beyond! How many times have I been working in the lingerie department when an old lady comes up to me and says, "I need you to help me find a certain bra." I am very polite, "And which bra is that?""This one" and they hoist their shirt up. If, by some miracle, I am able to stare long enough to identify the bra they're wearing and then find it in the store, I still have to deal with the inevitable "be a dear and check what size I'm wearing". I am not equipped with tongs or a long stick or anything to retrieve these measurements. Feeling up seniors = "above and beyond". If someone asks me to check the size on their underwear, I stand behind them, poke them with a hanger and just guess.

"Team player" also apparently describes many of the nominees. I'm sure I must have, at some point, described myself as a team player to get this job. I may have even believed it was true. But in reality, I once refused to cover for the door greeter because it's cold by the door, even though she's 73 and needed to take her pills.

It's okay. I don't want their stupid Shining Star Award anyway. No, I'm serious. I really don't.


According to Walmart, there are Five Principles of Apparel. As a fashion sales associate, I should know what they are and apply them to my work. I even have a badge that lists all the principles and snaps conveniently behind my name tag. I've actually only used the badge once- to pick broccoli out of my teeth, but I guess I must have skimmed over the words because something my boss said the other day sounded familiar. She said, "Kathleen, has anyone ever taught you about The Color Story?" Showing a Color Story - it was Principle #4 on my almost totally useless badge. If she was surprised to hear that I hadn't managed to pick up this very basic information over the course of two and a half years she hid it well. As a ten year Walmart management veteran she's naturally very practiced in dealing with incompetence and apathy.

She started out in the women's junior section showing me how the shirts along the wall alternate between purple and green and then how each rack showcases these colors on the ends, purple, green, purple, green.

"Ok, purple, green, purple, green. Got it."
"Good"
"So what's The Story?"
"That's it. That's The Color Story."

Now maybe I should have known better than to expect anything more. But when I hear "story" I'm expecting a little drama, a plotline at the very least. I'm no English major, oh wait, yes I am, and so I think I know a story when I hear one. And purple, green, purple, green is not a story.

"So...it's really more of a color scheme than a color story."
"Yes. A color scheme or a color story."

This didn't sit well with me at all. So...

Quiet and reflective, Purple tended to go unnoticed. That is, until the day Green came along. Purple and Green had much in common and complemented each other beautifully. They fell easily in love.

Purple's mother, Red was horrified when she found out about Purple's relationship with Green. She demanded Purple stop seeing him immediately. This only made Purple want him more.

Purple and Green had been seeing each other for some time when she visited his home for the first time and was introduced to his parents, Blue and Yellow. When Red heard about this meeting, she sat Purple down and told her they needed to have a talk.

"Purple, before you were born I lead a very colorful life. I left home very young because I clashed with my folks. I wanted to escape. I think I tried every drug in the spectrum...it's not important now. But I got mixed up with a lot of different characters, including Green's father. Purple, there's no easy way to tell you this. Blue is your father."
"But that means..."
"Yes. Green is your brother."

That's a color story.