Why do the skanks always ruin things for everyone else? Very soon all employees at our Wal-mart will be required to wear new store-issued t-shirts in addition to our blue vests. Apparently there were too many cleavage related complaints from customers. I don't really blame the skanks. They don't know any better; most of them grew up in Spryfield. I do blame the people who complained. You have to expect a certain level of trashiness when you walk into a Wal-mart. If you're all fancy and super high-class, you should shop at Sears.
Because my job isn't intellectually challenging, I try to make it physically challenging. If there's an opportunity to run, I do. Instead of picking things up like a normal person, I do squats. Unfortunately my cheap dress pants were not meant to withstand the punishment I put them through at work and one hour into an eight hour shift today, I squatted to pick something up and heard a comically loud ripping sound. I wasn't too surprised; it wasn't the first time something I thought only happened in cartoons happened at Wal-mart. I checked out the damage in a mirror. There was a huge split in my pants, but it wasn't too noticeable if I stood up completely straight, which I attempted to do for the remainder of my shift. I still had to keep the sales floor tidy which I managed by doing a graceful sideways dip and swiping at fallen merchandise with a clothes hanger. I survive another day. It was a bit drafty walking home.
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