Only four days left until I'm on vacation. I hadn't really thought about it until today when my boss, in a moment of uncharacteristic cordiality, asked me if I was excited about my upcoming trip. Suddenly realizing I wouldn't have to see her for an entire ten days, I was excited. I was ecstatic! And I made the mistake of saying so. I should have known better than to express joy.
Turns out it's time for my yearly review and I have to assess my performance using a questionnaire and checklist. Having me fill this out is a joke. We both know I'm horrible. I haven't improved in any areas. I haven't reached any goals. The only one I had was to not be working at Walmart anymore. Apparently I'm supposed to reflect on the past year and score myself in categories like hating unions and rolling back prices. Then I have to add up all my scores and divide by three, or something. I have to do math! With that in mind, I guess I already know what my score is going to be. Every item is scored out of five so...
-Consults and cooperates with the safety committee. We have a safety committee? Who knew? 5 out of 5.
-Meets deadlines. Ha! As if this was a real job with real deadlines. One time there was a sign on the fridge in the staff room saying the fridges would be cleaned the following Tuesday and to remove any of your belongings you didn't want thrown out. I missed that deadline and they threw out my yogurt. Whatever. 5 out of 5.
-Uses or wears protective equipment or devices as required. I put on rubber gloves when I have to touch clothes that ugly people have tried on. 5 out of 5.
-Exhibits sense of urgency. When it's time for my break, I make it clear to customers that it's extremely urgent that I get the hell out of there. ASAP. 5 out of 5.
-Asks questions. Why are we always so understaffed? How come we don't get any benefits? Who do I have to sleep with around here to get a raise? 5 out of 5.
-Works in a manner that does not endanger themselves or others. Every day that I don't cut someone is a good day. 5 out of 5.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
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